Training

Yesterday, my son and I went to church for the first time in several months. Thanks to God waking me up, we even got there in time for Sunday school! My sister and brother-in-law visited the church that I went to as a teenager--and that my parents still attend--last week, so we decided to go to church with them and with my parents.

Anyway, I dropped my son off in the nursery and while he was clingy at first, after his traditional two hugs and a few kisses, he was good to go. We had a great classtime in Sunday school and then it was time for service. I picked my son up from the nursery letting the nursery workers know that I would be bringing him back once the message began.

I love to have my son in the music part of "big" service for many reasons. First of all, I believe music is the first way that children learn to praise God. Secondly, at the beginning of the service there are announcements and prayers, so this gives my son a reasonably short amount of time to begin to practice being quiet and respectful during service. And finally, I train myself during this time too!

That may not make sense at first glance, but it's true! I need just as much training at having him with me during service as he needs at being in service. See, I'll find myself getting bored and start playing with him. This completely contradicts every "Shh" and "No" I say to him. If I am to train him to be respectful during church, that it is not a time of play, but of worship, then I must first set an example by not only being respectful and worshiping, but also by not making him my toy.

Babysteps

So, I'm the jump-in-with-both-feet type of person. The get-a-bright-idea-and-overdo-it-crash-and-burn kind of girl.

My friend introduced me to FlyLady many years ago. I tried and tried, but never could quite get it. Mainly because everytime she said, "Babysteps, babysteps, babysteps!" I heard the Charlie Brown teacher say, "Wah-wah, wah-wah, wah-wah!"

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE FlyLady! It's just that for some reason, I thought I was above having to do it in babysteps. She warned me I would crash and burn, yet every time just like the time before, I would say to myself, "Not this time, FlyLady! I'll do it MY way and I WILL succeed!" Yet flat on my face I would fall. And instead of getting back up, I would just lay there and moan.

In the past couple of days, I have finished reading FlyLady's books, Sink Reflections and Body Clutter. Again, I heard the warnings and heard her emphasize babysteps. Still, in the beginning, I didn't really heeded that. I began to crash and burn over the past couple of weeks. Everything was slipping. My 365 project, my exercise, my weight loss, my calorie goals. My reading was the one thing that I stayed on top of consistently.

Finally, I began to pull myself back up and say, "No. Just because I fall does not mean I have to fail. I will get back up. I will try again. I WILL do this."

So, babysteps. I started a Before Bed Routine and a Morning Routine. I haven't done it perfectly everyday. But, I have buckled down and tried to just get through it, even if it wasn't perfect. I am beginning to see progress! Hallelujah! I think about jumping ahead and how I could do things better, more perfectly, and I stop myself. Just doing it for now is enough. I can add and improve later. Slowly. I want it to stick this time. It WILL stick this time.

I have amended one of FlyLady's favorite sayings and I believe it will become my new mantra: "Perseverance and progress, not perfection."

Happy Monday, everyone!

Struggles and Routines

I have truly struggled this past week. We went out of town last weekend, and while I did keep up with my resolutions, that seemed to start a downslide. Day by day, I seemed to be doing less and less, sleeping more, and feeling worse. I was still taking my magic pill, so I couldn't figure out what was wrong.

Yesterday, I really just didn't feel well. My anxiety had sky-rocketed to the point that my hands were even shaky. Even though I had taken my pill the night before, I was ADD to the point that I couldn't concentrate on finding my cell phone charger, working, or making coffee. Finally, I realized one small thing: I had to allow myself to feel off.

This past week, we started receiving emails from the Guard informing us of upcoming dates for my husband. We found out he would be gone three weekends in a row, unexpectedly. Then yesterday, he got his official deployment orders. No wonder I was feeling off! (Although that wasn't all of it) As much as I may not want to admit it to myself, much less others, I am anxious. I am anxious for my husband, for my son, and for myself. I want to be able to handle this deployment in a healthy manner and not sink into depression. Because this past year has overflowed with its own trials, I have somewhat ignored the upcoming deployment. It has always been in the back of my mind and I have formed plans and strategies to not only survive, but to thrive. But, now I must accept it and face it head-on.

I was talking to my mother-in-law yesterday and she started asking me questions about my routine: when I was feeling great, was I doing something differently than I had this past week? When do I drink my coffee? Take my pills? I started to notice that she had figured out a big part of the puzzle. My routine was different over the weekend and this past week than it has been the week before. She suggested I go back to my original routine (with a few minor changes) and be purposeful about making it the same everyday. She also reminded me that not every day is going to be good. There will be bad days and that's okay. God has given me so many opportunities lately to learn this valuable lesson from FlyLady: "Progress not perfection."

So, last night in the spirit of progress, I planned out my morning routine (yet again, hehe) and this morning I executed my new plan. I got up at the previously decided-on time. I took my pill before I got out of bed. I made coffee and breakfast. My son got up earlier than I expected, so I took time out to make his breakfast and feed him, then went back to my routine. I ate my breakfast, drank my coffee, wrote in my prayer journal. I read this month's fiction book. Then it was time for my son to take his first nap. I had decided I would work during his nap. As I sat at my desk to begin typing, I realized that I felt GREAT. We thought it might take a few days to adjust (and I can't speak for any future days yet), but today has gone great. It hasn't been perfect. My house is not spotless. But. I feel good. I've read books, written in my journals, entered data for work, and I'll be going to the gym once my son wakes up.

Now that I know that it makes a difference, I need to protect the time that I take my pill, drink my coffee, and talk with God. I should not allow sleep or my computer or anything else to take away that sacred time. It's how I need to begin my day. It's a choice: do I want to have a good day, a productive day and feel great? Or do I want to feel heavy and lethargic and accomplish next to nothing? (I do still manage to take care of my child on these days, so that counts as accomplishing something ;) ) And secondly, I need to allow myself to not be perfect, to feel anxious, to feel down or "off."

Well, I hear my son, so it's off to the gym and then to enjoy the rest of my day!

Pants on the Ground

♪ "Pants...[er, diapers] on the ground, [diapers] on the ground. Feelin' like a fool with my [diaper] on the ground!" ♪

As usual, when my husband came home today, I prompted my son: "Go see who's at the door! Look who's here!" Once my son could see that it was his daddy, he grinned from ear to ear and crawled as fast as he could to welcome his dad home. My husband scooped him up and gave him a big hug. Then he sat down in a chair and put Kendrick on his lap.

It was at that moment that we saw it. A huge bulge around Kendrick's leg.

My husband said, "What is that?!" I assured him I had no idea. He proceeded to take off our son's clothes, but where the diaper should be, there was only nakedness.

I started laughing and snatched him off of my husband's lap and rushed him toward our changing area. I heard from behind me, "You're lucky he didn't poop!"

I finished undressing our son and lo and behold, found the diaper wrapped around his right leg like a shin guard.

Miracles do happen.

{No diapers were harmed in the making of this blog}

Magic Pill

So, I may not have my medication (yet), but I do have a magic pill! I just have to take it :) Or in this case hide it "in my heart." {Psalm 119:11}

{This is a compilation of verses that have either been "given" to me or that I have found on my own that I have found to be helpful especially at certain times.}

{When You Are Anxious}

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and suppliation, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." {Philippians 4:6}

"And my God will supply all [my] needs accordin according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus." {Philippians 4:19}

{When You Wonder How to Live Your Life}

"Study and be eager and do [my] utmost to present [my]self to God approved (tested by trial), a workman who has no cause to be ashamed, correctly analyzing and accurately dividing [rightly handling and skillfully teaching] the Word of Truth." {2 Timothy 2:15}

"He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord." {Deuteronomy 8:3} {emphasis added}

{And my personal favorite right now...When You Feel Insane}

"For God has not given [me] a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." {2 Timothy 1:7} {emphasis added}

Mental Health

{Inside the Confessional Booth}

I'm not taking care of myself. Not the way I should. My husband is constantly reminding me to take my pills. Sometimes I do think about taking them, but I don't go do it. I don't know why. When I take them for a few days in a row, I feel SO GREAT. But, when I start missing doses (which happens frequently), I feel AWFUL.

I was supposed to have an appointment with my doctor last week to follow-up and see how the medication was working. I missed it, though, because I was cleaning my house to get ready for a showing. Instead of calling right away or even the next day, I didn't call until this morning--once I realized I had taken my last pill...yesterday. Just my luck (and well-deserved), the doctor wasn't in. So, I'm operating without my magic pill today.

I've noticed (mainly from my husband pointing it out) that I go through stages when I skip doses. First, I get ADD. I completely lose my concentration. As my husband says, I "walk around in circles." After that, I get tired and my every action slows down; I sleep more. Finally, I become impatient, snippy, angry, and I cry. This is anything but fun. The medicine, however, levels out my hormones and makes me feel like ME. I gain back my energy, motivation, optimism, and creativity. But, as FlyLady says, "The trouble with a magic pill is that it doesn't work unless you take it." SO true.

I'll be calling the doctor again in the morning and I'm praying that he will call in a prescription, so I can get back on track with being me.

{Special thanks to Body Clutter by Marla Cilley and Leanne Fly from which I took the above quote.}

Organization 201

...or 102...or 202...whatever comes after 101!

The other night, my mother-in-law came over to drop off a few things. Well, of course, we started talking and I had to show her my new, pretty organizational supplies. I was telling her how I couldn't wait to get my desk moved out of our "storage room" (our extra bedroom) and all set up with my new things, but that it would be awhile because I had to forge a path to the desk (which was against the far wall), put down a new floor in the kitchen, and move the refrigerator before I could move the desk in. Right then and there, she offered to help me move it. So together, we cleared out enough space to get the desk out. We were going to put it in a temporary location, but then we decided to move the fridge and put it where I wanted it, even though we didn't have our new floor down. To make a long story short(er), it was quite a process, but we got it all moved in.

I spent all the next morning setting up my beautiful trays, bins, and boxes. Then I got a brilliant idea to re-cover my desk chair. I asked my mother-in-law if it was possible and after she said yes, she again offered to come over and help me. So, I went to the fabric store, picked out a beautiful green on white damask, and we spent that evening reupholtering my chair.

I am normally terrible at anything involving fabric, but it turned out FANTASTIC! And my new "office" space looks great! I learned a lot during this process, too. First of all, there are a few tools you should have in your house (that I did not...): an iron, a glue gun (don't forget the glue sticks!), and a (loaded) staple gun. These last two in particular are a woman's duck tape. I also learned that it's not hard to reupholster a desk chair; and you can save about $75. It cost me $17 (for the batting and fabric) + the cost of a glue gun and glue sticks (approximately $10), and I borrowed a staple gun and staples. I spent a total of $27 and the cost of a similar chair, new, would have been $100+. And I don't think I would have liked a new one nearly as much as I like this one. That's the great thing about upholstering furniture yourself: it's unique!

It's no shiny sink, but still, every time I see my desk and/or my chair, it makes me smile.

Check it out:

And that's it for now! I have a few more ideas to make this area absolutely perfect, but after my crazed office supply shopping spree, I should probably save up the money first. ;)

To Clutter or Not to Clutter

Every time I return to my house after being gone for a couple of days or even a couple of hours, I brace myself. I dread the sight I'm destined to see when I open the door: clutter.

We spent a few days with my family this past weekend and on the way home, I asked my husband, "Was our house clean when we left?" I thought it was, but that couldn't be possible, could it? He affirmed my memory, but still I dreaded opening that front door.

True to my routine, I braced myself as I entered the house. I looked left into the living room: no clutter. I looked right into the dining room: also clutter-free. I peeked into the kitchen: a couple of dishes in the sink, but the counters were clean, and I remembered that the dishwasher was full...of clean dishes. I stared into the bathroom: absolutely no clutter and clean. I glanced into my son's room: while his shelves and closet do need work, everything else was orderly. Surely this final room would be a wreck. I stood dumbfounded in the doorway of our bedroom suite. The toys were picked up, the surfaces were clean and uncluttered, even the couch was lacking of its usual piles. Okay, so the bed wasn't made, but all in all, even our bedroom was neat and tidy. As I looked around at our home, I realized something profound: I could breathe. There were no longer massive amounts of clutter to suffocate me.

Now, granted, we have one bedroom that we use for storage, so this room still needs to be attacked as well as our closets and a few bookshelves. But, things have come a LONG way.

FlyLady, I can't wait to take my first babystep: shine my sink! I know you will help me keep my house looking like a peaceful home.

Bless your home and breathe easy, my friends.

{This peaceful, clutter-free home would not have been made possible without my wonderful husband who jump-started the whole process by giving me a great gift the day before Christmas--two loads of dishes washed and three loads of laundry washed, dried, and put away--or our awesome God who keeps me filled with His love, joy, and peace and has blessed me with Cymbalta and coffee.}

Organization 101

I LOVE to organize and plan. I especially love to go to office supply stores. Every fall, I looked forward to buying school supplies. This year, I finally decided I was far enough removed from college that I should start referring to "school supplies" as "office supplies."

This afternoon, my dad asked if anyone would like to go to an office supply store with him. I practically jumped up and down, waving my arms, saying "I DO! I DO!!!"

He had no idea what he'd signed up for. As my dad recounted the events to our family later, he said, "You know, I should have realized how much trouble I was in when she said she had to go back for a cart."

See, it all started with planners. I ADORE planners. And my dad needed a new planner. So, to the calendar aisle we went. I dutifully helped him to pick out the perfect pocket planner. Then, I found a planner for myself. This little green goblin started it all:

After the planner, I spotted THE MOST chic desk organization boxes. I went...a little crazy. I piled turquoise, black, white, and green file folders, picture boxes, document boxes, and desk organizers into my quickly-filling cart along with pink rubberbands, push pins, paper clips, and binder clips.

Over an hour later, when I finally wheeled my cart up to the front, it was chock full of {beautiful} organization pieces and office supplies. The poor cashier stuffed one plastic bag after another. I told him I hoped he was getting a break soon. {I think} he replied that he wasn't taking a lunch break today. By the time he finally gave me my *gulp* total, he told his manager that he was taking his lunch break in 2 minutes. I have a feeling he was going to ice his sore muscles. Hopefully he got some kind of bonus from my addiction.

My dad and I piled the bags into the passenger side of the cab. Finally, we decided it would be safest to close the door and start stuffing from the driver's side. Surprisingly, all of my new acquisitions fit as did both of us.

On the way home, I told my dad that I was gonna have to change the name of my blog to {Confessions of a Shopaholic}, but he told me that I don't have this problem with all kinds of shopping. So, I decided the new name would have to be {Confessions of an Office Supply Junkie}.

Should you think this story is simply an example of creative license and witty hyperbole, I have decided to include the embarrassing proof:

Yes, that's right, it took not one but TWO strapping young men to haul my cargo. After my husband recovered from the shock of the evidence of my addiction, he informed me that I am not allowed to buy anymore school supplies until Kendrick goes off to college.

{Dear Mrs. Local Family-Owned Business--you know who you are ;)--I may need at least a part-time job to pay off my office supply debts...}

Best. New Year. EVER!

I can't say that I'm sad to bid 2010 adieu. It's been a rough year. But it's certainly had its blessings too.

Here's what I'm thankful for from 2010:

*My HEALTHY, handsome son.
*My husband coming home and spending the rest of the year with us.
*My house and all the provisions we have.
*My journey through post-partum depression.
*The light that God has brought me. It's so good to "be back." :)

So, good-bye 2010! You've been hard, but I'm thankful for the many blessings and lessons learned. I wouldn't be where I am today without them. And I am MOST thankful to be where I am today. 100% HAPPY. Filled with God's joy and peace.

Hello, 2011! You are off to an AMAZING start! My husband and I rang in the New Year with my brother and his girlfriend. We got two days to be just the two of us thanks to Grammy, Mimi, and PaPa taking care of our son. Thank you all SO much! Our time together was GREAT.

This first day of the New Year starts off my resolutions which I have labeled "New Year, New Me, NO EXCUSES"; my husband has shortened it to "NYNMNE," pronounced "nuh-nih-mah-nee"...like "anemone" without the first "uh" lol. So far, so good. I'm not going to be legalistic about my resolutions; I just want to stay within the spirit of them. And that is certainly how today has been. It has not gone according to plan exactly, but no complaints here whatsoever. Our house is CLEAN, our son is home, and it is a BEAUTIFUL day.